Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize