I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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