Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
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I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
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I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize