i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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