Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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