Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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