Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize