dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
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I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
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Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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