I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize