oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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