Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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