I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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