Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize