i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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