Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
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I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
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I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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