im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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