yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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