What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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