Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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