He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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