Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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