Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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