nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize