I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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