just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize