Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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