Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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