not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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