Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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