what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize