I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
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I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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