Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
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And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
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Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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