last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
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i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
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It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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