It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
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last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
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On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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