he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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