The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
They took my balls.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Your penis caused this!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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