Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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