This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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