god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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