we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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