clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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