Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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