just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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