i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize