I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Bring me that man meat
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize