i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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