I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
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The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
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Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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