Im at strip club and am horny
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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