all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize