im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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